the start

Well, I was told tonight that I needed to start writing down my thoughts to keep me from saying things that I don't want to say. I am going to do that, but I also decided I wanted to find a way to tell others my thoughts because I don't always tend to get things out from my mouth.
I might ramble on here, go from one subject to another, write a lot, write a little...who knows.

So these past few weeks I have been praying that God would just change me. I have been praying that He would change me into what I need to be in order to reach out to others. I have a fire that is burning so hard in me I am about ready to jump. I have discovered a new love for God. Lately all I have wanted to do is just sit in His presence. I just put on some worship music and go. It is so refreshing to pretty much escape. I have been saved for over 10 years now and have loved God since, however, there's just something new in me and I thank God for it. It's amazing, I can hardly contain myself.

I have a tendency to really care about what others think of me. I am very very very very insecure of myself and don't have a lot of self esteem. People who know me may realize that, but I honestly don't think anybody realizes how deep it is. I have been a huge people pleaser and what not. It has caused a lot of pain and heart ache in the past. Suddenly I have realized that I am causing this myself. I serve an audience of one. He has created me. He loves ME. I need to stop worrying so much and just focus on HIM. If I truly trust HIM and let HIM guide me...then I'm good. I want so much to just be in HIS presence. I want so much to just follow HIS will. I am really working so hard on all this and I know I might now be making sense...but this is my way of getting out my thoughts.

I wish that there was a way that I could force this fire on others. I know it's not possible, but if people would just see the love that GOD has for them, imagine. I know I am a long way from where I need to be with God, but I also know that I am not going to give up. There have been so many hurles, ESPECIALLY this past year, but looking back, man, HE has been there everystep. He has walked with me through every valley and never left me, there were just so many times I chose not too look at Him and go my own way...that's the stubborn Italian in me.

James 1:2...consider it pure joys my brothers (i like to insert sisters here) whenever you face trials...