My stubbornness

Goal for this week:

to get it through my stubborn head that I am not going to be able to change anybody but myself.
I know that is true, I can't change the way people feel about me or what they think about me, yet I sit here making myself sick over it...I was so frustrated last night because I have been working SO HARD on changing myself, on becoming a better person. I have been working so hard at putting others first, praying for others more, listening more, being more quiet, etc. Last night, I just felt like something just punched me in the face and said, "give it up...it's not working." I was really upset. There have been several times in this new "change" of mine when I have just wanted to give up and what not, but I didn't, I kept on going. Then last night happened. Part of me became really angry. Then the other part of me just wanted to sit in a corner and cry, but I am also trying to grow thicker skin...
I came home last night and just put on some worship music and laid on the couch. I asked God to take my feelings away. I couldn't and still can't describe exactly how I was feeling. I woke up this morning feeling the same way pretty much. Then I took my shower and in the shower I realized, you know what, I am doing all this for the wrong reason. I am trying to change myself so others will change too. HAHA...(that would be satan laughing in my face). That is never going to happen. I need to change myself for me, and of course for the Lord. I need to become more like Him and less like myself. Ever since I decided I wanted to turn over this new leaf, my end goal was to see a difference in the way others treated me. Totally the wrong reason...I can't change others, I cannot change others hearts, I cannot change the way people think, I can't not do it...I just have to keep telling myself that and maybe it will get through this hard german/italian head of mine.
I have completly felt like a failure lately in my changing process, and this morning I realized why...doing it for the wrong reasons will do that to me.
I know this is probably not making a lot of sense to you...but again...this is what I use to spill out my thoughts in my head and it makes sense to me =).
So...here we go. God help me...